Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
