Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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