Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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