Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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