The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
