there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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