Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
