how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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