Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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