The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
