He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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