If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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