if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
