Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
