just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
