I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
