dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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