I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
