youre lurking in front of me
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
