the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
