So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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