i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
