oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
