i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
