bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
