i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
