So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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