Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
