someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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