dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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