I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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