I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
no you cant smoke seaweed
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
