just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
