There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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