I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
