i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
