who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
