That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
