3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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