I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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