he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
