"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
