Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize