Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Randomize
