I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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