roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I need to stop coming to work sober
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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