Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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