Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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