I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
