If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
