I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
