Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
