drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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