Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize