i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
