I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
