Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
