Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
