I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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