No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
