Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
