If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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