i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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