I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
