Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
