I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
im six kinds of drunk right now
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
