i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
