Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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