Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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