So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
