so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
