Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
