He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
