walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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