I accidentally burped into my bong.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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