Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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