I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I did not marry a roomba.
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