just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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