im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
