There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
