do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
