i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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