do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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